


Parallels

by Welfycat



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Community: angst_bingo, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-28
Updated: 2011-06-28
Packaged: 2017-10-20 19:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/216315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welfycat/pseuds/Welfycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek Morgan makes some unpleasant connections between his past and his present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parallels

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Angst Bingo; Prompt: Emotional Abuse (working from a request found on the cmficfinders comm here: http://community.livejournal.com/cmficfinders/255904.html)  
> Content Notes: Non-graphic discussion of sexual abuse, specific descriptions of emotional abuse.  
> Author Notes: The POV in this piece is not very kind to Gideon, so you might want to skip it if you're particularly fond of him. Spoilers for s02e12 Profiler, Profiled and s03e02 In Name and Blood in specific, general spoilers for the first two and a half seasons.

Derek Morgan sometimes thought that he and Spencer Reid had the exact same problem: not knowing what to say and how to be heard. Granted, it manifested in different ways, as no one would say that Reid ever lacked for words, and Derek wasn't known to hold back when there was something he needed to say. Reid's wide-eyed babble as he defined and expounded on every detail so thoroughly that it was easy to lose track of his original point tended to make it so that someone either cut him off or the group stopped listening entirely before he had actually said anything of importance.

Or, maybe it wasn't that Derek didn't know what to say, he had a few choice words saved up if he ever got the chance to use them, but he didn't know how to say them in a way that wouldn't make the situation worse. He could imagine the scene clearly, confronting Gideon in his office one day when the rest of the team had gone home. Except for Hotch; there were days that Derek thought Hotch had never gone home the previous night. But Derek would stand in Gideon's office, his posture predatory as Gideon rested thoughtfully in his chair and listened with that detached expression that always made Derek wonder how much attention was actually focused on him and how much was lost to Gideon's own thoughts. When Derek finished, his accusations laid bare, Gideon would shrug his shoulder and lean forward. He'd rest his elbows against the arms of the chair and very thoughtfully suggest that Derek was perhaps projecting his own internal conflicts onto Reid and himself. And of course Gideon would bring it up with Hotch, for the good of the entire team, and put his own spin on Derek's accusations. Hotch would call Derek into his office and would ask his own pointed questions and nothing more would come of the situation.

Derek knew that the team had been watching him since his past with Buford had been revealed in Chicago. Nothing overt, just the extra glance every now and then, and Derek didn't hold it against them. If it had been any other member of the team they wouldn't have acted differently. It wasn't until Chicago, though, that Derek had made the connection his mind had been reaching for.

He'd felt vaguely uncomfortable with the situation for a long time, pretty much ever since Reid had joined the BAU. Derek hadn't actually expected to like Reid and had held himself at a distance at first. Reid was a nervous, skinny kid with no real field experience and who was just about as close to a walking encyclopedia as Derek had ever met. Derek figured that the kid would last for a case, maybe two or three if they didn't encounter anything particularly gruesome for a week or so, and then he would flee back to the safety of academia. Which wasn't entirely fair, because Reid wouldn't have made it through the FBI training program if he hadn't been capable of looking at dead bodies and crime scenes.

When they were out in the field and he saw that Reid was just as willing as anyone he'd ever met to snap on a pair of latex gloves and pick up a piece of something that used to be human, or go and interview a grieving family without blinking an eye even though he clearly wasn't very comfortable with people in general, Derek's assessment of Reid rose dramatically. And then he'd discovered that Reid would walk into a dangerous situation with the gun he could barely use well enough to pass qualifications without any regard to his own safety, and that Gideon was willing to let him go, and Derek was pretty sure his blood pressure had steadily skyrocketed. The next three years had been spent determinedly working on doing both his job and keeping Reid from getting shot or taken hostage. It was more work than it sounded like, but he was successful for the most part.

It had come to his attention over time, little things pinging on Morgan's radar but not enough that he actually connected them in a meaningful pattern until he'd confronted Buford. When he'd turned and found Gideon and Hotch standing there, silently watching him exorcising his demons, everything had come tumbling forth in his mind. Derek didn't have the time at that moment to stop and put together all the pieces, he was occupied in restoring his own life and making sure that Buford went to prison and proving to the team that he could still handle himself in the field. He was the same person as he had been for years, having the team know about the abuse didn't change anything except their perception of him.

When his life had settled back down Derek took the time to reprocess everything, mostly because he couldn't afford to have the memories seeing Buford had stirred up rattling around in his mind during a case. He had to be objective, if not entirely unemotional; but he couldn't let his own experiences color the way he perceived evidence. As he started to work through the earliest of the memories, Buford's infrequent but much desired compliments and the way he would rest his hand on Derek's shoulder after a good basketball practice, Derek had drawn the parallels between himself and Buford and Reid and Gideon.

The very thought made him feel nauseous and furious, though he doubted that Gideon had ever touched Reid in a sexual way. Then again, no one had thought that of Buford either. Because Buford was friendly with the kids, and a substitute parental figure for kids and adolescents who had little to no support at home; a pillar of the community. But it was much more than the remote possibility of unwanted sexual contact that bothered Derek about the situation. Derek knew, everyone knew, that Gideon was larger than life for Reid. Reid hero-worshiped the man, though there were many people both in and out of the FBI who did the very same, and it was Gideon's approval that Reid was endlessly seeking.

On its own, seeking the approval of a someone who was a father figure wasn't unusual or unhealthy. When Derek had learned more about Reid's home life, having already guessed that Reid had grown up without a father, and then heard how Gideon had strongly encouraged Reid to join the FBI and the BAU starting when Reid was still a teenager and working on his doctoral degrees, the connection between them made a lot of sense. Gideon was the first person to really show interest in what Reid was doing and provide him guidance in a way that was more than just what classes or programs he should take. Derek didn't take issue with Gideon providing Reid with guidance; the kid, even at twenty five, was still working out what it meant to be a team and a family and it made a certain amount of sense for Gideon to fill a parental role. What Derek did have a problem with was the way Gideon manipulated Reid.

Gideon manipulated everyone, not in an overt or particularly malicious way, but he made sure that things were done his way and that he was in control, and it had only gotten worse since Boston. Derek understood the need to be in control, he understood that very well, but he didn't believe in hurting other people in order to satisfy that need.

After he made the connection between the situations, Derek couldn't stop seeing them, and every time he did a half dozen memories of similar events would provide a reminder that it wasn't a temporary situation. Gideon used every opportunity to 'teach' the members of the team, driving Elle to frustration on more than one occasion, but his methods of 'teaching' were particularly rigorous with Reid and Reid was far more likely to take it to heart. For Reid, the sun rose and set around Jason Gideon and if he said something was so, Reid would do his absolute best to make sure that was the case. Praise and reassurance were doled out infrequently and on a timetable that only Gideon seemed to understand. If Gideon wasn't in the mood to handle a question or concern from Reid he simply dismissed him, and those moods could change without warning or provocation. Whatever the current circumstances, Derek had never seen Hotch brush off a question from Reid and if Hotch knew there was a problem he would actively seek Reid out to provide assistance and encouragement. If Reid was lucky, and Gideon was in the right frame of mind, he might be able to bring his problem to Gideon and get a cryptic piece of advice in return.

The moodiness and volatility could possibly be attributed to PTSD, and the rest Gideon could sell as teaching Reid to be the best profiler as possible and molding the brightest and most unique mind the BAU had to offer. Then Gideon would rest his hand on Reid's shoulder after Reid had solved a particularly difficult puzzle the unsub had presented and tell him 'well done', and Morgan would remember Buford's hand on his shoulder and the resulting warmth and relief that he'd done something right. He'd remember how that entire day would seem brighter and how he'd plan to do even better because he wanted Buford's approval so bad that it was almost a physical ache. Regardless of the personal situations in Gideon's life that left him so damaged that he felt the need to manipulate his own team to protect himself from them, there was no excuse for what he was doing to Reid.

Derek didn't blame Hotch or the rest of the team for not noticing, it was something that only certain mindsets would be attuned to pick up and with they way they all trusted each other in the field it was automatic to not even think that something could be wrong with the team dynamic. It was as it always had been, for as long as they could remember. He couldn't blame Hotch anymore than he could blame his own mother for not realizing what was happening with Buford. She had been a single parent barely making ends meet and taking care of three children; Hotch had a family of his own, responsibility for the entire team, and his own work to do besides watching over them. They couldn't have eyes and ears everywhere, even though they'd both always done their best to take care of the people in their lives.

When Gideon left, abandoning Reid and leaving him with nothing but a letter of excuses - valid or not, they were still excuses - Derek couldn't help but feel relief intermingling with his anger at Gideon for putting all of them through that. If Gideon was gone then Derek could do a better job protecting Reid; he could make sure that whoever took Gideon's place didn't have the opportunity to even look at Reid wrong.

Reid's hurt and lose at Gideon's abandonment was painfully obvious to the entire team, but Derek thought that he was the only one that noticed the hint of relief that he carried as well. It was like a weight had been lifted from Reid and he was only just realizing that he could stand up straight. Reid slowly started offering his unsolicited opinions more often, telling the occasional incomprehensible joke, and grinning when he relayed a particularly fascinating to him piece of information - fascinating to Reid, even if no one else quite understood. Derek relaxed a little more as time passed and when he caught Hotch's eye one day, he was reasonably sure if the slightly pained expression and nod meant that Hotch had finally realized what had been happening.


End file.
